"The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary," the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the arse of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish." He then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked on it hard.
The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same.
When the last student had stuck their finger – right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted – and stuck the finger in their mouth and sucked on it hard, the teacher said – "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is attention to detail. I stuck my middle finger in, but sucked my index finger."
The class was horrified. Some of them threw up.
"The third thing you should know" the teacher said as he picked up his briefcase "is that I don't work here."
"And the fourth thing you should know," said the man lying on the table with a sly smile, "Is that I'm not dead."
Joke Poo: The Wine Tasting
“The first thing you should know about becoming a sommelier,” the instructor announced, swirling a glass of crimson wine, “is that you can’t be afraid to get intimate with the flavor.” He then dipped his finger deeply into the glass and, with dramatic flair, licked the wine from his fingertip.
The students, a mix of aspiring wine snobs and genuinely curious novices, watched with rapt attention.
“Now,” the instructor continued, “I want each of you to do the same. Really explore the bouquet.” He gestured encouragingly towards a line of glasses filled with the same deep red wine.
One by one, the students dipped their fingers in, some hesitantly, others with practiced confidence, and tasted the wine. A few coughed, some made appreciative noises, and others just looked confused.
After the last student had finished their finger-tasting ritual, the instructor cleared his throat. “The second thing you should know about wine tasting is attention to detail. I dipped my middle finger in the wine, but I licked my ring finger.”
The class erupted in groans of disgust.
“And the third thing you should know,” the instructor said, grabbing his coat and heading for the door, “is that I’m actually a plumber.”
“And the fourth thing you should know,” chimed in the old woman sitting at the head of the table with a mischievous glint in her eye, “is that this isn’t wine… it’s my prize-winning beet juice!”
Alright, let’s dissect this dark and delightfully twisted joke.
Core Elements:
- Setting: A mortuary/classroom environment, creating an expectation of clinical professionalism.
- Character 1: The “Teacher”: Posing as an instructor, immediately violating expectations with a shocking act. Authority figure abusing power/using trickery.
- Character 2: The Students: Naive and obedient, following instructions blindly.
- Character 3: The “Corpse”: Appears passive but is ultimately the trickster revealing the final, unsettling twist.
- Action/Premise: Repetitive, escalating disgusting actions (finger in anus, then mouth). Focus on attention to detail (or lack thereof) used as misdirection.
- Twist 1: The “teacher” isn’t who he seems.
- Twist 2: The corpse isn’t dead, adding a layer of macabre prankery.
- Humor Style: Gross-out humor, prank humor, unexpected reveals.
Analysis:
The joke hinges on the subversion of expectations at multiple levels. We expect a teacher to be a responsible guide, the students to question outrageous requests, and a corpse to be…well, dead. The humor arises from the ever-increasing levels of shock and disgust, culminating in the double-whammy reveal. The repetitive nature of the finger-sucking amplifies the discomfort and sets up the “attention to detail” misdirection.
Comedic Enrichment/New Joke Idea:
Let’s focus on the “corpse isn’t dead” element and inject some factual/absurdist tidbits.
Tidbit: Rigor mortis, the stiffening of muscles after death, typically begins within a few hours and lasts up to 72 hours. There are even studies of how to avoid rigor mortis!
New Joke/Witty Observation:
A mortician was giving a demonstration on rigor mortis. He started contorting a “corpse” into various yoga poses.
A student, bewildered, asked, “Sir, why are you doing that? I thought rigor mortis makes the body stiff.”
The mortician winked. “That’s the beauty of pre-emptive corpse yoga. Keeps ’em limber for the guests who like surprises.”
The corpse sits up and asks “does anyone have any aloe lotion?”
Explanation:
This plays on the knowledge of rigor mortis to create an absurd image – a mortician actively trying to prevent the natural stiffening process. The humor lies in the juxtaposition of a scientific process with a ridiculous activity (corpse yoga) and the implications of the corpse being too alive. It also has a callback to the original joke with the corpse doing something that it is supposed to be unable to do.
Hopefully, this enhances the comedic value!