At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Marine A-4 pilot, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away.
They gave him a glass of wine to taste.
The old pilot tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."
"That's correct," said the boss. "Another glass, please."
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Absolutely correct. A third glass."
''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."
Joke Poo: The Coffee Critic
A struggling coffee shop owner, facing closure, needed a miracle. The usual coffee critic, a renowned gourmand, cancelled at the last minute. Desperate, the owner spotted a dishevelled street poet outside, clutching a tattered notebook and reeking of patchouli. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he offered the poet the critic’s spot.
He presented the poet with a cup of coffee.
The poet took a sip and declared, “This is an Arabica bean, roasted too quickly, hinting at notes of burnt rubber and unfulfilled potential.”
The owner, stunned, poured another cup.
The poet swirled it, inhaled deeply, and pronounced, “This is a robusta blend, harvested in monsoon season, reflecting the bitterness of forgotten dreams and existential dread.”
The owner, amazed, offered a third cup.
“A decaf,” the poet stated, “lacking soul, mirroring the vapidity of modern consumerism.”
The owner, completely flabbergasted, gestured to his waitress, who slipped out back and returned with a steaming mug filled with what was clearly toilet water.
The poet savored the aroma, took a long, thoughtful sip, and said, “This is… a trucker, early 40s, severely dehydrated, probably ate gas station sushi last night, and if you don’t offer him a discount on a large black coffee, he’s going to key your damn car.”
Okay, let’s break down this wine taster joke and then ferment some fresh humor from it.
Joke Analysis:
- Setup: An unlikely candidate (a drunk, ragged ex-pilot) applies for a sophisticated job (wine taster). This creates immediate comedic tension.
- Turning Point: The pilot demonstrates surprising and increasingly specific wine-tasting ability. The humor comes from the contrast between his appearance and his skill.
- Escalation: The joke escalates the challenge with each glass, culminating in the secretary’s “offering.”
- Punchline: The pilot identifies the urine with absurd detail, turning the shock and revulsion of the situation into a darkly humorous threat. The punchline relies on the juxtaposition of refined tasting skills applied to an utterly inappropriate substance and adding the threat of paternity.
Key Elements for Humor Extraction:
- The Implausible Expert: The juxtaposition of appearance/background and skill.
- The Absurd Sensory Detail: The hyper-specific wine descriptions.
- The Unexpected Substance: Replacing wine with urine.
- The Ominous Threat: Adding the element of paternity.
Humor Enrichment & New Joke Creation:
Let’s focus on element #2, “The Absurd Sensory Detail,” and tie it into the known complexities of winemaking.
Factual Tidbit: Winemakers actually do worry about the slope of the vineyard. South-facing slopes in the Northern Hemisphere (and north-facing slopes in the Southern Hemisphere) receive more direct sunlight, leading to riper grapes. Also, the composition of the soil, specifically minerals, influences the wine’s ‘terroir’ (sense of place). Oak barrel aging imparts flavors like vanilla, clove, and toast.
New Joke/Observation:
I knew my sommelier had gone too far when, describing the latest Pinot Noir, he declared, “A bouquet of sun-drenched south-facing hillside, hints of Jurassic-era shale, and a finish that whispers of sustainable forestry practices from the cooperage!” I just wanted a glass of red, not a geological and ethical audit.
Why it Works:
- It pokes fun at the sometimes-pretentious language used in wine descriptions.
- It exaggerates the level of detail to an absurd degree, incorporating real winemaking concerns (slope, soil composition) into the humor.
- The addition of “sustainable forestry practices” for the barrels adds a modern, woke twist to the absurdity.
Another approach, focusing on element #3 (the unexpected substance):
Did You Know?
During the Prohibition era, people would often use concentrated grape juice that would naturally ferment into wine during transport and storage. The instructions on the juice concentrate included instructions on how to prevent fermentation to avoid getting in trouble with the law. This was basically legal loophole wine.
New Joke:
A wine merchant was struggling during the Prohibition. So, he started selling grape juice concentrate, very clearly labeled: “Warning: Do not dissolve in water, add yeast, and store in a dark place for several weeks. That would be illegal, and result in a Cabernet Sauvignon that pairs perfectly with bathtub gin. I repeat, do not do that.”
Why it Works:
- It leverages a real historical fact about Prohibition-era wine making.
- It uses ironic understatement and reverse psychology to imply exactly what the customer should not do, effectively selling illegal wine in plain sight.
These are just a couple of examples. The key is to identify the core comedic elements, research related facts or absurdities, and then use that information to create a new layer of humor that either expands on the original joke or offers a fresh, witty perspective.