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There was a farmer who hated aphids destroying crops

Posted on June 29, 2025 by Joke Poo

He yelled “go fuck yourselves” and they grew in numbers

Okay, here’s my "Joke Poo" version of the farmer and aphids joke:

Joke Poo: The Complimenting Compost

There was a gardener who was struggling to get her tomatoes to thrive in her compost pile. She decided to try a new approach, remembering hearing about the power of positive reinforcement. She went to the compost heap and cheerfully said, "You’re a wonderful, nutrient-rich environment! You’re doing a great job!"

The compost heap, apparently appreciating the affirmation, started fermenting at an alarming rate, producing so much methane it nearly blew the garden shed off its foundation.

Okay, let’s break down this joke and see what we can do with it.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: A farmer hates aphids destroying crops. (This establishes a common problem and sets up an expectation for a solution.)
  • Punchline: He yelled "go fuck yourselves" and they grew in numbers. (The unexpected outcome is that the insult actually helps the pests, creating the humor through irony and absurdity.)
  • Humor Type: Dark humor, situational irony, and a bit of surrealism. It plays on the common frustration of dealing with pests and the futility of trying to reason (or insult) nature. The shock value of the vulgarity contributes, but the real kicker is the counterintuitive result.

Key Elements:

  1. Farmer: Represents hard work, connection to nature, and a certain straightforwardness.
  2. Aphids: Tiny, prolific pests. Known for rapid reproduction and being difficult to eradicate.
  3. Insult ("go fuck yourselves"): Vulgar, aggressive, and ultimately ineffective.
  4. Unexpected Outcome (aphids growing in numbers): The linchpin of the joke, defying logic and expectations.

Now, let’s use these elements to create some related humor:

1. The "Did You Know" Approach:

"Did you know that aphids are parthenogenic? This means they can reproduce asexually. So, when that farmer yelled ‘go fuck yourselves,’ the aphids probably thought, ‘We’re way ahead of you!’… and then they multiplied. Science: even more embarrassing for farmers."

Why this works:

  • It’s rooted in a real fact about aphids.
  • It reinforces the joke’s absurdity by showing how ill-equipped the insult was.
  • The addition of "Science: even more embarrassing for farmers" is a callback and punchline in itself

2. A Related Joke:

"Why did the organic farmer only use positive affirmations on his crops? Because when he tried cursing the weeds, they just took it as encouragement to reach for the sun."

Why this works:

  • Mirrors the structure of the original joke (farmer, problem, attempted solution, unexpected result).
  • Swaps out vulgarity for "positive affirmations," creating a gentler (but still ironic) humor.
  • Still plays on the idea that nature doesn’t respond to human emotion or language in the way we expect.

3. An Observational Quip:

"You know, if aphids actually did thrive on negativity, then social media would have solved world hunger by now."

Why this works:

  • Connects the joke’s premise to a modern observation.
  • Uses hyperbole (social media’s abundance of negativity) for comedic effect.
  • Offers a cynical commentary on social media.

4. A Continuation/Tag Line for the Original Joke:

"The farmer, defeated, then tried reciting poetry. Now his crops are producing tiny, perfectly formed sonnets… and the aphids are writing scathing critiques."

Why this works:

  • Builds on the original joke’s absurdity.
  • Adds another layer of unexpected and escalating silliness.
  • Implies that the aphids are not only flourishing but becoming cultured (and critical!).

These are just a few examples. The key is to take the core elements of the original joke and find new ways to play with them, either by adding factual information, creating related scenarios, or applying the same logic to other situations. The element of surprise and subversion of expectation is key.

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