There was an American wrestler from Texas named John who had never lost a match – not in high school, not in college. He was a national icon and the pride of American wrestling.
Word spread of a fearsome Russian wrestler with one devastating move: the Mongolian Death Grip. No one had ever escaped it.
The two legends were set to face off in Texas. Before the match, John’s coach warned him:
“Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
Four seconds into the match… the Russian had him in the move.
The coach buried his face in his hands. It was over. But suddenly, the crowd erupted —
“USA! USA! USA!”
The coach looked up to see the Russian pinned! Stunned, he asked John:
“How on earth did you get out of the Mongolian Death Grip?”
John, catching his breath, replied:
“Coach, he twisted me up so bad, I opened my eyes and saw two… testicles. So I bit them.”
The coach gasped – “John! That’s not legal!”
John said:
“I don’t know about legal, Coach… but let me tell you something –
You don’t know how strong you are… till you bite your own nuts.”
Joke Poo: The Gourmet Chef
There was a renowned French chef named Pierre, known for his exquisite sauces and unparalleled palate. He had won every culinary award imaginable and was the pride of Parisian gastronomy.
Word spread of a reclusive Italian chef with one secret ingredient: the Sugo di Segreto. It was said to imbue any dish with unimaginable flavor. No one had ever replicated it.
The two legends were set to face off at a prestigious culinary competition in Paris. Before the cook-off, Pierre’s sous-chef warned him: “Whatever you do, Pierre, don’t let him use the Sugo di Segreto on you!”
Four minutes into the competition…the Italian had drizzled a generous portion of the Sugo di Segreto on Pierre’s signature dish, a delicate Sole Meunière.
The sous-chef buried his face in his hands. It was over. But suddenly, the crowd erupted – “Magnifique! Incroyable! Splendide!”
The sous-chef looked up to see the judges devouring Pierre’s dish, tears streaming down their faces. Stunned, he asked Pierre: “How on earth did you overcome the Sugo di Segreto?”
Pierre, wiping his brow, replied: “He overwhelmed me with that sauce, its aroma was intoxicating, its taste… so intense, I opened my eyes and saw two… escargots bathed in garlic butter. So I… ate them.”
The sous-chef gasped – “Pierre! Those were your garnish!”
Pierre said: “I don’t know about garnish, sous-chef… but let me tell you something – You don’t know how delicious something is… till you eat your own snails.”
Okay, let’s break down this wrestling joke and then wring some more laughs out of it.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: Establishes two legendary wrestlers with contrasting styles: an undefeated American named John from Texas and a fearsome Russian with a deadly move.
- Premise: John’s coach warns him about the “Mongolian Death Grip,” setting up the expectation that avoiding it is crucial.
- Twist: John is immediately caught in the hold, defying expectations.
- Punchline 1 (Subversion): John escapes the supposedly inescapable hold, but the method is unexpected and illegal: biting the Russian’s testicles.
- Punchline 2 (Absurdity): John’s final line, attributing previously unknown super-human strength to self-inflicted pain, is both gross and ridiculous.
Key Elements:
- Wrestling Stereotypes: The invincible American vs. the menacing Russian.
- Testicular Trauma: The unexpected and painful element of the escape.
- Rule-Breaking: The blatant disregard for wrestling rules.
- American Pride: The crowd’s patriotic reaction juxtaposed with the unsportsmanlike conduct.
Comedic Enrichment: Amusing “Did You Know” (leading into a new joke)
Did you know? While biting is strictly illegal in most professional wrestling promotions (with severe penalties), it does have a somewhat strange history. One notable instance was in 1997, when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear during a boxing match. The aftermath, of course, was total chaos and disqualification. But here’s the funny part:
- New Joke:
A professional wrestler is backstage, nervous before a big match. He spots a famous psychologist and rushes over. “Doctor,” he pleads, “I have this terrible urge to bite people! It’s ruining my career! What should I do?”
The psychologist strokes his chin. “Hmm, a classic case of oral aggression. Well, next time you feel that urge, just try… biting your tongue!”
The wrestler looks horrified. “Are you crazy?! Then I’ll start lisping and lose all credibility as a tough guy!”
The psychologist shrugs. “Well, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”