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This morning I had a strong urge to give up sex, drugs, and booze, go on a diet, and start working out.

Posted on September 26, 2025 by Joke Poo

I decided to lie down until the feeling went away,

Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo,” riffing off your original:

Joke Poo: Spreadsheet Soul-Searching

This morning I had a powerful urge to finally organize my finances, cancel unnecessary subscriptions, and create a realistic budget.

… I opened Netflix until the feeling passed.

Alright, let’s break down this joke and then build on it:

Dissection:

  • Premise: Sets up a scenario of positive self-improvement – a sudden, intense desire for health and virtue. This is inherently relatable, as many people experience fleeting moments of aspirational change.
  • Punchline: Subverts the expectation of actually acting on those desires. Instead, the speaker chooses inaction and avoidance, implying that the urge was temporary and easily dismissed.
  • Humor: Lies in the contrast between the grand ambition and the lazy reality. It’s relatable because it exposes the gap between what we want to do and what we actually do, and a general human tendency to resist discomfort.
  • Key Elements:
    • Desire for Self-Improvement: The initial urge.
    • Sex, Drugs, and Booze: Representing immediate gratification and vices.
    • Diet and Exercise: Representing delayed gratification and discipline.
    • Inaction/Avoidance: The punchline’s turning point.
    • Relatability: The acknowledgement that people have passing urges.

Comedic Enrichment:

Now, let’s use some facts and observations related to those elements to create a new joke or witty observation:

Option 1: The Biological Basis of the Joke (Amusing ‘Did You Know’):

“Did you know that the fleeting desire for self-improvement might be linked to dopamine fluctuations in the brain? You get a little spike imagining the future you, the one crushing the gym, and your brain is like, ‘Yeah, this feels good!’ Then reality hits, the actual doing part arrives, and dopamine dips. That’s when you decide to lie down. It’s basically your brain tricking you into feeling good without actually doing anything… which, I gotta say, is kind of brilliant.”

Why it’s funny: It takes the joke’s core concept and explains it with a semi-scientific, tongue-in-cheek tone. It’s relatable because it suggests our brains are inherently lazy, thus explaining inaction.

Option 2: The “Sex, Drugs, and Booze” Update (New Joke Format):

“This morning, I had a strong urge to invest in my retirement account, read a book on global economics, and finally learn Mandarin. I immediately opened TikTok, ordered a pizza, and started binge-watching a show about competitive cheese sculpting. I figured, adulting can wait. Global economics is depressing and I haven’t quite built up to “competitive cheese sculpting” yet.”

Why it’s funny: Updates the joke for a modern audience. Instead of classic vices, it uses modern distractions and slightly more “productive-seeming” (but ultimately delaying) activities. Also, global economics is depressing which makes it an added layer.

Option 3: Playing on the “Exercise” Element (Witty Observation):

“The only thing harder than starting a diet and exercise routine is maintaining the mental gymnastics required to justify not starting.”

Why it’s funny: It highlights the elaborate rationalizations we use to avoid discomfort, which is a relatable and amusing aspect of human nature.

These examples attempt to extend the original joke’s humor by:

  • Providing a novel perspective.
  • Relating to contemporary trends.
  • Highlighting relatable human tendencies.
  • Subverting expectations in a new context.

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