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Three men die and are standing before the gates of heaven

Posted on June 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

The angel at the gates tells them that none of them were bad people, but not virtuous either. Therefor, all he could offer them was reincarnation. But they could not reincarnate as people. The angel points to a nearby cliff and tells them they can just run off the cliff and say the name of what they want to be reincarnated as.

One of the three says "I know exactly what I want to be!" and runs off the cliff yelling "Gorilla!". And he becomes a newborn gorilla.

The next guy runs off the cliff and yells "Eagle!", and becomes a newborn eagle hatching from an egg.

The last guy thinks real hard about what he wants to be, and then takes off running. And just as he runs to the end of the cliff, he accidentally trips and says "Crap!".

Joke Poo: The Database Administrator

Three database administrators (DBAs) die and find themselves standing before the pearly gates of Amazon Web Services (AWS).

The stern-looking AWS CloudFormation template acting as gatekeeper tells them, "None of you were particularly malicious, but let’s face it, staring at SQL all day isn’t exactly virtuous. Therefore, I can only offer you reincarnation… into a service. To choose, simply walk through this auto-scaling group portal and shout the name of the AWS service you desire."

The first DBA, eager to escape endless meetings, sprints through the portal yelling, "Elastic Compute Cloud (EC2)!" and is instantly reborn as a brand new, highly performant EC2 instance, blinking into existence in the cloud.

The second DBA, dreaming of freedom from on-call rotations, leaps through the portal screaming, "Simple Notification Service (SNS)!" and transforms into a powerful SNS topic, ready to blast notifications far and wide.

The third DBA, ever the cautious planner, ponders his options. He wants stability, scalability, and minimal oversight. Finally, he runs towards the portal, but as he reaches the threshold, he stumbles over a forgotten AWS Management Console login, shouts "DAMMIT!" and is reincarnated as a perpetually running, forgotten, and completely unmonitored DynamoDB table.

Okay, let’s break down this joke and then see if we can sprinkle some comedic fairy dust on it.

Joke Dissection:

  • Premise: Three men arrive at the gates of Heaven and are offered reincarnation, but only as non-human entities.
  • Setup: The angel lays out the "rules" – run off the cliff, shout your desired reincarnation.
  • Punchline: The third man, after careful consideration, trips and yells "Crap!" and presumably reincarnates as… well, crap. The humor comes from the unexpected, unfortunate accident undermining his thoughtful planning.
  • Humor Type: Situational irony, absurdity, with a touch of dark humor. The contrast between the grand concept of reincarnation and the mundane accident is key.

Key Elements to Exploit for New Humor:

  1. Reincarnation: The concept of rebirth is ripe with possibilities.
  2. Animal Choices (Gorilla, Eagle): These are powerful, majestic creatures, making the "Crap!" reincarnation even funnier by contrast.
  3. The Word Choice: The specific word "Crap!" (or any expletive) contributes to the humor. It’s unexpected and anti-climactic.
  4. The Angel: This figure is a facilitator of a cosmic process and is ripe for humor.

New Humor Attempt #1 (Amusing ‘Did You Know’):

  • Element Exploited: Reincarnation, Animal Choices
  • Joke: Did you know that some Buddhists believe reincarnation is a series of increasingly noble existences? So, if you’re reborn as a majestic eagle, you’re on the right track… Unless your previous life involved a cliff, a regrettable slip, and a poorly chosen expletive. Then, you’re literally at the bottom of the food chain.

New Humor Attempt #2 (Witty Observation):

  • Element Exploited: Word Choice, Absurdity
  • Joke: Reincarnation is a lot like choosing a WiFi password. You think long and hard, try to be clever, but in the heat of the moment, a simple "Crap!" will still get the job done… even if it’s not the internet connection you were hoping for.

New Humor Attempt #3 (New Joke):

  • Element Exploited: The Angel, Absurdity, Reincarnation.
  • Joke: Three souls are at the Reincarnation Desk in Heaven. The angel sighs, "Okay, we’re running low on options. We’ve got a goldfish, a slightly used paperclip, or the collected thoughts of a garden gnome."
    The first soul says, "Gnome thoughts, please! I’ve always been intrigued by their internal landscaping."
    The second soul says, "Paperclip! I’ve got potential!"
    The third soul, looking panicked, says, "Is there anything else?"
    The angel checks her clipboard. "Well, there is ‘Unspecified Mild Discomfort’… but we’re not sure what that entails. We’re still working on the user manual."
    The third soul, grabbing a nearby stapler, screams, "I CHOOSE UN-" STAPLE SOUND
    "Congratulations," said the angel, "You’re a hangnail."

Explanation of Choices:

  • Each new joke attempts to amplify the comedic effect by playing with expectations, contrasting grand concepts with mundane realities, or introducing further absurd elements. The "Did You Know" is a play on educational content, adding a twist to the already existing knowledge of the joke.
  • By making connections to real-world concepts, we try to create humor that feels fresh and relatable, while still stemming from the core of the original joke.
  • The "Hangnail" joke attempts to create a new scenario with similar rules and a more prolonged setup to build tension and a more absurd payoff.

Hopefully, these new pieces of humor provide some comedic enrichment to the original joke.

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