Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.

Joke Poo: The Comedian’s Curse

Three aspiring stand-up comedians are backstage before a big open mic night.

The first says: “Guys, I’m screwed. I’m only twenty, but every time I go on stage, I meticulously craft a tight five minutes. I write killer jokes, rehearse my delivery all day long, but nothing clicks.”

The second comedian groans: “You think you have it bad? I’m thirty. Every time I hit the stage, I try to build a narrative, create a persona, connect with the audience on a deeper level. I try everything, read all the comedy books, but it just doesn’t land.”

Finally, the third comedian, a seasoned pro at forty, chimes in: “Fellas, every night at 7:00, my jokes slay harder than anyone else on the bill. At 8:00, I have the audience eating out of the palm of my hand.”

The other two stare, utterly baffled.

“So, what’s the problem?” they ask.

He sighs, “I don’t get booked until 9:00.”

Alright, let’s break down this joke and see if we can squeeze some comedic juice out of it.

Joke Analysis:

• Setup: Establishes a scene of elderly men in a retirement home, setting expectations for typical aging complaints.
• Premise: Two men detail their struggles with bodily functions, creating a build-up of expectation for a similar (negative) complaint from the third man.
• Twist: The third man reveals he can perform those functions perfectly fine, but at the wrong time, creating an unexpected disconnect between ability and intentional control. The humor comes from the absurdity and relatable fear of losing control of your own body in old age.
• Key Elements:
  • Old age/Retirement Home
  • Bodily Functions (specifically, urination and defecation)
  • Incontinence/Loss of Control
  • Timing/Coordination

Now, let’s use these elements to create a new joke/observation:

Option 1: A “Did You Know?” Puns on the Bowel Function:

“Did you know? The human intestinal tract is roughly 30 feet long, about the length of a small bus. That’s why retirement homes offer ‘express’ routes for seniors… they understand the urgency when the digestive system decides to schedule its own unscheduled sightseeing tour.”

Why this works:

• It builds off the original joke’s focus on bowel functions, making it relevant and recognizable to the listener who heard the original
• It exaggerates the bodily need to a level of absurdity

Option 2: A new joke based on the original premise

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.

The first sighs, “I tell you, my eyesight is gone. I can barely see my food anymore.”

The second man groans, “That’s nothing! My hearing is so bad, I can’t even understand what anyone is saying.”

The third man perks up, “You guys are lucky! My sense of taste is completely gone. I could be eating dirt and I wouldn’t know the difference!”

The first two look at him, concerned. “So, what’s the upside?”

The third man grins, “My wife’s cooking tastes amazing!”

Why this works:

• It uses the same setup as the original joke, making it easy to understand and relate to.
• It plays on the theme of aging and loss of function, but with different senses.
• The punchline provides a funny twist, turning a negative into a positive in an unexpected way.

Option 3: Observation

You know you’re getting old when your body starts running on a different time zone than your brain. You’re wide awake at 3 AM, ready to solve world hunger, and then need a nap by lunchtime.”

Why this works:

• Uses the joke’s original theme of time as the unexpected twist
• Relatable to aging people in particular, which the original joke was targeted at.

I hope these additions provide some amusing context or a fresh laugh building upon the original joke!