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Told my boss I can’t come in today cause I’m constipated

Posted on August 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

“You’re full of shit” he said.

Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” version of your joke:

Joke Poo: Potty Training Panic

I told my puppy I can’t leave him alone today because I’m afraid he’ll have an accident inside.

He cocked his head and said, “You’re housebroken, right?”

Alright, let’s break down this joke like a bad bowel movement:

Analysis:

  • Premise: Employee calls in sick, claiming constipation. This is inherently funny because it’s a TMI (Too Much Information) and potentially embarrassing reason to miss work.
  • Punchline: Boss responds with “You’re full of shit.” This is the payoff. It’s unexpected, witty, and plays on the double meaning of the employee’s claim. The boss effectively calls the employee a liar using a phrase directly related to the stated (digestive) problem.
  • Humor Type: Dry wit, situational irony, double entendre.

Key Elements:

  • Constipation: The physical ailment.
  • Boss/Employee Relationship: The power dynamic and potential for awkwardness.
  • Double Entendre: The phrase “full of shit.”

Now, let’s enrich the humor with some related facts and create something new:

Option 1: Witty Observation

“It’s interesting how ‘full of shit’ can mean both physically unable to eliminate waste and morally devoid of truth. Makes you wonder if there’s a correlation.”

Why it works: Extends the joke’s logic into a philosophical consideration.

Option 2: Amusing ‘Did You Know?’ Fact

“Did you know that the average person produces about one to three pounds of feces per day? So, while being ‘full of shit’ might be an insult, technically, everyone is, to some extent. Just hopefully not in a metaphorical sense at work.”

Why it works: Uses a factual detail to highlight the inherent absurdity of the joke’s insult.

Option 3: New Joke based on the same premise:

“My doctor told me I need to eat more fiber. I told him I’m already a politician.”

Why it works: Replaces the original claim with a different, more pointed one that still uses the same double meaning concept. Politicians being “full of shit” is a common perception.

Option 4: A joke tailored for HR:

An employee called HR to ask for a sick day because they were constipated. HR said, “We understand, just be sure to document the…output.”

Why it works: HR being hyper focused on documentation adds a layer of bureaucratic humor to the already awkard situation.

Todays SH1T Jokes

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  • Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
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