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Category: Totally Feckin random

A man rubs a magic lamp, and a genie appears.

Posted on July 21, 2025 by Joke Poo

"You get one wish," says the genie. The man thinks and says: "I’m scared of flying and boats. I wish for a bridge from California to Hawaii so I can drive there."…

On his first day at work, an apprentice butcher was ordered to chop up some rabbit carcasses for display in the shop window.

Posted on July 21, 2025 by Joke Poo

He was able to slice through the baby rabbits without any problem but found that the blade was not strong enough to force its way through the adult animals. After struggling for…

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue

Posted on July 21, 2025 by Joke Poo

When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” version of the mood ring joke: Joke Poo: The Emotional Toilet…

I wanted to be a CEO

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

But I ended up in an entry-level job at the saltwater taffee factory. At least it's a sea sweet position. Okay, here’s my attempt: Joke Poo: I Wanted To Be A Magician…

A tourist goes to a restaurant in Madrid and orders the special. When it comes, he asks what it is.

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

"These are cojones, Señor." "What's that? What are cojones?" "These are the testicles of the bull, the one which lost the bullfight this afternoon at the arena. Very good. Very good." So he…

I watched a porno flick about a sex competition, and couldn’t decide who I wanted to win.

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

I was pulling for all of them. Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” riff on the original, titled “Data’s Dilemma”: Joke Poo: Data’s Dilemma I was watching a computer science competition all about…

I said to my therapist “I’ve been feeling ultra paranoid lately”

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

He said "Well you looked perfectly relaxed in your bath this morning" Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo,” riffing on the original: Joke Poo: The Performance Review I told my boss, “I’ve been…

A teacher and his engineering students were given free plane tickets to go on a field trip.

Posted on July 19, 2025 by Joke Poo

Once they were all on the plane, the captain announced that the plane they were on had been built by the students. All of the students immediately ran out of the plane,…

My girlfriend phoned me on her way to work and said to me “I saw a fox on the way to work”

Posted on July 19, 2025 by Joke Poo

I replied “How do you know it’s on its way to work” Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” based on your provided joke: Joke Poo: The Compost Conundrum My gardener…

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.

Posted on July 19, 2025 by Joke Poo

I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them. Joke Poo: The Compost Collector I used to work for a sanitation company that fined people when their compost…

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • A guy who lives in Boston hears there’s huge carp in the pond on the Common.
  • God said to Moses, “come forth, and receive eternal peace”…
  • An accountant, a lawyer, and a preacher were out hunting
  • If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the bathroom? European.
  • Eighty-year-old Bessie storms into the rec room at the retirement home, fist raised high.
  • Guy walks into a nice Italian restaurant after the lunch rush with his emotional support alligator
  • At the World Cup final, a man notices an empty seat next to him. He asks, “Who would miss the World Cup final?”
  • A guy tells his buddy, “My wife ran off with my best friend Mike yesterday.”
  • Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
  • We were enjoying warm drinks at the fall festival when my girlfriend’s dad pulled me aside and sternly asked what my intentions were with his daughter.
  • Did you hear about the Vulcan that got married and had children?
  • The farmer and the milking machine!
  • When two tampons walk down the street why don’t they say anything to each other?
  • A mom is putting her little boy to bed.
  • My favourite math joke
  • Little Johnny is playing in the yard when he gets a wood splinter in his hand…
  • A woman waits anxiously outside the ICU for news about her husband.
  • Three blokes were at the pub discussing what the fastest thing in the world is
  • An American politician once visited the USSR, and was given a tour of a Soviet automobile factory
  • A young Jewish man walks into an antique shop.
  • What do you call a line up at a Vietnamese restaurant?
  • Just had to take my 2 year old cousin’s shitty nappy off
  • We are the Dyslexic Borg.
  • The Girl with the Wooden Eye
  • Raised in a Barn
  • Eucalyptus
  • I was visiting my girlfriend the other night…
  • Cross-eyed horse
  • The woman and her blonde friend decided to take a fishing trip.
  • A wife, pissed off that her husband was late again, wrote a dramatic note: I’ve had enough. I’m leaving you. Don’t try to find me.
  • A man calls the police
  • What is a landlord’s favorite kind of tea?
  • Fun puns.
  • My wife and I were discussing names for our newborn son when she asked if we could name him after her father.
  • What do you call a group of crows that are one short of a flock?
  • Sister Mary sat across the table from the mother superior.
  • Max and Pete are getting a haircut and shave at a barbershop.
  • An elderly Jewish man crashes his car into a tree. The paramedics arrive and use the jaws of life to extract him from the vehicle. They then put him on a stretcher, loosen his clothing to facilitate breathing, and cover him with a blanket.
  • “Push harder”, I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
  • Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having a pint, watching the brothel across the street.
  • After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter — a great gig for many retirees — I lasted less than a day.
  • How can you tell it isn’t Halloween yet?
  • I was chilling on the couch before work
  • One Hot Summer Day…
  • Another man goes to another doctor
  • Purple is my favorite color…
  • The punchline is the name of the site you are on.
  • Why do ghosts like to take the elevator?
  • A man goes to the doctor
  • Camel Brand Cigarettes

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