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Category: Totally Feckin random

Pirate joke I thought of in the shower

Posted on June 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

"Why couldn't the Captain set sail with his lass on their Maiden voyage?" *He didn't have enough seamen* Joke Poo: The Astronaut’s Launch "Why couldn’t the astronaut launch his new rocket on…

I used to date a woman who was a baroque music specialist. (true story)

Posted on June 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

She was a terrific singer, and also played the drum, lute, and traverso (a kind of baroque flute). Often she would be called for sessions where she had to sing and record…

When I was a kid, my dad helped me with my math homework every single day. It really showed me how much he loved me.

Posted on June 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

It also explains why I kept failing math. Joke Poo: Potty Training Poo When my toddler was learning to use the potty, I gave him a sticker every time he went number…

Not trying to brag, but every time I go to the grocery store…

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

The cashiers check me out. Okay, here’s my "Joke Poo" version of that joke: Joke Poo: Not a Plumber Not trying to brag, but every time I eat asparagus… …the toilet checks…

My teacher told me that I’d be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia…

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

but so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase. So Fuck you Mr. Peterson. Joke Poo: My therapist told me I’d never be a good comedian because of my crippling anxiety……

I have a polish friend who works as an MC

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

I have a Czech one too. Okay, here’s my "Joke Poo" version, based on your original. Joke Poo: I got a German who is a professional gardener I got a German who…

U2 was playing a show in Glasgow…

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

…at the end of Beautiful Day, Bono shushes the crowd and starts snapping his fingers into the microphone, "snap….snap…..snap…." The crowd quiets, "….snap…..snap…" Bono speaks into the mic, keeping the snapping of…

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

Pun in, 10 dead Okay, here’s my attempt, riffing on the "Pun enters a room…" joke: Joke Poo: Dad Joke’s Day Off Dad Joke enters a room, kills all conversation. Alright, let’s…

When Anakin’s mom died he became…

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

Little Orphan Ani. Okay, here’s my attempt: Joke Poo: When Vader’s digestive system gave out, he became… …Constipated Darkness. Okay, let’s break down that joke and then try to build upon it….

I’m learning electric guitar but I can only practice Sunday mornings…

Posted on June 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

…I’m getting a lot of feedback. Okay, here’s my "Joke Poo" version: Joke Poo: Compost Blues I’m trying to start a worm composting bin, but I can only add kitchen scraps on…

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • An old man comes to confession and says to the priest:
  • A Knock Knock Joke
  • What’s common between a testicular joke and testicular cancer?
  • A guy walks in a store looking to buy some beer
  • One afternoon, a teenage couple was on a hike in the woods.
  • Wish me luck, everyone! I have to meet with some people working at my bank in a few minutes. If all goes well I’ll pay off every debt I have, and still have enough to retire early.
  • A penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down…
  • Not all construction tasks are equally enjoyable.
  • In a carpenter’s workshop, one apprentice makes a bet that he can recognize any type of wood just by its smell. They blindfold him and hand him the first board… the apprentice smells it confidently and says: “Oak!”
  • I was admitted into the hospital and as I settled into my bed, I overheard my “roommate” using the speakerphone to order breakfast from the cafeteria
  • My mom went on vacation to Florida
  • School year is like pregnancy.
  • A man visits his lawyer
  • A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
  • Election results are like group project grades
  • A librarian is having a discussion with a cobra…
  • Job interview question: Why ask for a high salary with no experience?
  • The other day I needed to pay a visit to a public toilet
  • A man doesn’t come home from work Friday, instead he spends the whole weekend out fishing with his buddies.
  • A hunter walks into a pub and says that he is the greatest hunter, he can recognize any game animal by its fur, and if they show him the wound, he can even tell which weapon killed it in exchange for a drink.
  • Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
  • (An original joke best read aloud) My friend got a job as one of those sushi girls. Y’know, where guys eat sushi off her naked.
  • What did the ghost of the Redditor say when looking at it’s own corpse?
  • What’s yellow and really hurts if it gets in your eye?
  • What a nice couple, how long have you been married?
  • Three cougars
  • Why did the BYU student come inside?
  • Reminder: terrorist jokes are tasteless and unfunny
  • Would make a joke about fencing
  • Possums are from the south
  • Did you know they just ruled dad jokes to be unconstitutional?
  • Boudreaux goes to the doctor
  • I called off work today when I saw the date
  • I hate people who take drugs
  • A very pregnant lady boarded a bus and noticed a young man smiling at her.
  • A gynecologist noticed his new patient was a little nervous.
  • The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.
  • San Francisco, 1895. A man on the outskirts of town hires a cab driver to ride to the train station. No one wants to go that far, but one driver agrees.
  • A wife leaned into her husband and purred, “Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?”
  • I promised my son…
  • Jogger sees fire
  • A salesman, Computer engineer and a system programmer
  • General Secretary Khrushchev and President Nixon met and started boasting about the greatness of their countries.
  • An American walks into a bar & orders a beer
  • A farmer’s son joins reddit and finds the r/Jokes subreddit
  • My Wife Always Gives 100% Sound Advice
  • A Caveman and a bear walk into a bar
  • I wrote a song about being naked.
  • Girlfriend needs a seat!
  • I’m So Old…

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