St Peter checks his notes and lets them know that the chances of their being let in are slim because of their extensive history of burglary, theft, and stealing. The guys plead and beg, claiming that they haven't done that sort of thing in a while and that they have repented. St Peter tells them that he will go talk to God and see what he can do on their behalf. God agrees to let the two guys into heaven, and so St Peter goes back to bring them the good news. A few moments later St Pete rushes back to God and says, "They're gone! They're gone!"
God says, "The two guys are gone?"
"No, the Pearly Gates!"
Joke Poo: Two Accountants Croak
Two accountants, notoriously shady with their deductions, die and arrive at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter consults his ledger and informs them their chances of entry are slim due to their history of aggressive tax avoidance, creative accounting, and outright fraud. The accountants protest, insisting they’ve turned over a new leaf and now volunteer filing taxes for the homeless. St. Peter agrees to plead their case to God.
God, after a moment of reflection, decides to give them a chance. St. Peter rushes back to deliver the good news, only to return moments later in a panic. "It’s gone! It’s gone!" he cries.
God, exasperated, asks, "The redemption plan is gone?"
"No, the loophole! They found a loophole!"
Alright, let’s dissect this joke and see what comedic gold we can extract.
Joke Breakdown:
- Premise: Two terrible people die and try to get into heaven.
- Setup: St. Peter initially refuses them entry due to their history. They plead repentance. God is consulted.
- Twist: God grants them access, but instead of being grateful or reformed, they steal the Pearly Gates.
- Humor: The humor lies in the complete lack of genuine repentance, the immediate reversion to type, and the audaciousness of the theft. It subverts expectations of redemption.
Key Elements:
- Burglary/Theft: Core to the characters’ identities and the punchline.
- Pearly Gates: Symbol of Heaven and valuable object for stealing.
- St. Peter & God: Authority figures who are outsmarted.
- Repentance (Fake): The false claim that sets up the twist.
Comedic Enrichment – Witty Observation/Did You Know:
Headline: "Pearly Gates Burgled! Heavenly Security in Shambles!"
Observation: Did you know the term "pearly gates" is derived from the Book of Revelation, where the New Jerusalem is described as having twelve gates made of pearl? Which begs the question: Were those pearls ethically sourced? Because if not, maybe God had it coming. After all, heaven’s resource management is supposed to be better than Nestlé’s! And if the gates were made from naturally occurring pearls, imagine the sheer number of oysters involved. Think of the oyster community! Perhaps St. Peter should have asked for an environmental impact statement before granting access. Now the angels are scrambling to replace the gates with something less appealing to kleptomaniacs. Suggestions range from reinforced cardboard to a meticulously curated display of unpaid parking tickets. St. Peter is now personally supervising background checks, requiring potential entrants to provide proof that they’ve returned overdue library books and haven’t committed acts of petty larceny, such as stealing condiment packets from fast food restaurants.
Why this is funny:
- Satire: Pokes fun at religious symbolism and bureaucracy.
- Juxtaposition: Combines high-concept heaven with mundane issues like ethical sourcing, unpaid parking tickets, and condiment packet theft.
- Exaggeration: The escalating list of qualifications for entry becomes absurd.
- Referential Humor: Connects to real-world issues like Nestlé’s controversies.
- Builds on the Original Joke: Expands on the core concept of heavenly mismanagement and the difficulty of screening for truly reformed individuals.