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Two people were playing chess without a clock.

Posted on June 27, 2025 by Joke Poo

The player with the black pieces made a checkmate. The player with the white pieces says: "Hey, it was my turn to move!", the other one says: "No it was mine!".

They discussed for a long time but didn't get to a conclusion, so the player with the white pieces said: "Let's settle this: we'll both hit the other one as hard as we can in turns. Whoever is the last remaining wins". The other one agreed.

As always, white went first. He hit his oponnent's nuts so hard he spent 10 minutes on the ground with the pain. After getting up, he gets ready to hit back, before the other one says:

"Now that I think about it, it was your turn, congratulations you won".

Joke Poo: Code Review

Two programmers were doing a code review without a style guide.

The programmer reviewing pointed out a critical bug that caused a system crash. The original programmer argued, "No, it was my turn to push code! This is unfair!"

They argued for a long time, failing to reach a consensus. Finally, the original programmer said, "Let’s settle this: We’ll both submit our most egregious bug to the production environment. Whoever causes the biggest outage wins." The reviewer begrudgingly agreed.

As always, the original programmer went first. He pushed a single line of code that accidentally deleted the entire customer database. The system was down for hours, causing millions in losses and countless irate customers. After the chaos subsided, the reviewer prepared to retaliate, about to deploy his own carefully crafted disaster, when the original programmer said:

"You know what? Now that I think about it, it was your turn to push the fix for that memory leak last week. Congratulations, you won! "

Alright, let’s dissect this chess joke and then craft something new from its pieces.

Joke Dissection:

  • Core Concept: The joke revolves around escalating a trivial argument about chess into absurd physical violence, then an even more absurd strategic retreat based on a technicality. The humor stems from the unexpected and illogical chain of events.
  • Key Elements:
    • Chess: The game itself provides the initial context and the source of the argument ("whose turn is it?").
    • Argument/Dispute: The stubborn refusal to concede on a minor point.
    • Escalation: The leap from verbal dispute to violent resolution is both shocking and funny.
    • Physical Violence: The specific act of hitting the opponent’s "nuts" is obviously crude but adds to the shock value and comedic effect.
    • Technicality/Loophole: The sudden reliance on the initial turn-taking argument to avoid retaliation.
    • Character Inconsistency: The initial white player, who suggests the violence, initially appears stronger but is out-smarted in the end.
  • Humor Type: Absurdist humor, dark humor, situational irony.

Comedic Enrichment:

Let’s play on the chess element and the escalating absurdity. Here’s a new joke/observation based on a "Did You Know?" format:

Did you know:

That in the early days of chess tournaments, disputes over move validity sometimes escalated to physical altercations? Legend has it that one particularly contentious 18th-century match ended when one player, convinced his opponent had illegally castled, attempted to literally castle his opponent into a nearby hedge. He allegedly yelled, "Checkmate to your shrubbery!" before being disqualified. While no reliable record validates this, the incident led to the introduction of official arbiters, tasers and written rules such as the "No Hedging" clause in the grandmaster handbook to prevent such horticultural hostilities. This clause states that players should avoid physically inserting an opponent into foliage for the purpose of securing a checkmate.

Explanation of the Enrichment:

  • Builds on Key Elements: We keep chess, the argument, and the escalating absurdity.
  • Factual Basis (Sort of): Chess history does contain examples of disputes and controversies. The absurdity that I have added enhances the escalation aspect.
  • "Did You Know?" Format: This gives it a veneer of legitimacy while allowing for wild exaggeration.
  • Humorous Language: Phrases like "horticultural hostilities," "Checkmate to your shrubbery!" and "No Hedging" clause add to the joke. The juxtaposition of chess-like-violence with the formality of the sport is funny.

This new piece plays on the inherent absurdity of the original joke by creating a fictional historical anecdote that enhances the escalating violence theme. It’s a playful, slightly absurd take on the potential for disagreement in the game of chess.

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