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Category: Walks into a bar

I have the heart of a lion, And the eye of a tiger

Posted on July 23, 2025 by Joke Poo

And a lifetime ban from the zoo Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” version of that joke, titled accordingly: Joke Poo: The Compost Heap I have the nose of a bloodhound, And the…

A redneck had just been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Joke Poo

when he called the young female bartender back and said: “Miss, right now ah really could do with a piece of ass.” “Hell, the most direct proposition I’ve ever had!” she exclaimed….

A guy picks up a woman at a bar. After a couple of drinks they go to his place…

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Joke Poo

Where after another couple of drinks they proceed into the bedroom, and start banging in the missionary position. Half an hour, an hour, two hours… She's already had multiple orgasms, when suddenly…

Accent misjudged

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Joke Poo

So, I'm in a bar and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me. I say, "Cool accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them yells, "It's…

On the news today it said they’ve unearthed a sarcophagus in Egypt filled with chocolate and nuts

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

The mummy was wrapped in gold foil, so they believe it is the legendary Pharaoh Rocher Joke Poo: On the news today it said they’ve discovered a massive compost heap in the…

A couple of guys are at the bar. The first guy says to his buddy, “My wife just admitted to me that she’s been having an affair with Bob the mailman.”

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

"What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly slob I see every morning outside your house?" "That's right," says the first guy. "Jesus," says his buddy. "Why would Bob the mailman want to…

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands.

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?” “Well,…

A cowboy rode into town and decided to stop by the local saloon for a drink.

Posted on July 20, 2025 by Joke Poo

As it often went in these parts, the locals had a habit of giving strangers a hard time. When he finished his drink, he stepped outside to find his horse had vanished….

The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

Posted on July 19, 2025 by Joke Poo

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid…

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time!

Posted on July 19, 2025 by Joke Poo

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but…

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • The butcher shop
  • September is Alzheimer’s awareness month
  • I saw a bison in the gym doing a workout the other day….
  • A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
  • Mexican Mayonnaise
  • I hate charging my electric car.
  • One day I called home and my kid answered. I asked where’s mom?
  • An old man comes to confession and says to the priest:
  • A Knock Knock Joke
  • What’s common between a testicular joke and testicular cancer?
  • A guy walks in a store looking to buy some beer
  • One afternoon, a teenage couple was on a hike in the woods.
  • Wish me luck, everyone! I have to meet with some people working at my bank in a few minutes. If all goes well I’ll pay off every debt I have, and still have enough to retire early.
  • A penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down…
  • Not all construction tasks are equally enjoyable.
  • In a carpenter’s workshop, one apprentice makes a bet that he can recognize any type of wood just by its smell. They blindfold him and hand him the first board… the apprentice smells it confidently and says: “Oak!”
  • I was admitted into the hospital and as I settled into my bed, I overheard my “roommate” using the speakerphone to order breakfast from the cafeteria
  • My mom went on vacation to Florida
  • School year is like pregnancy.
  • A man visits his lawyer
  • A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
  • Election results are like group project grades
  • A librarian is having a discussion with a cobra…
  • Job interview question: Why ask for a high salary with no experience?
  • The other day I needed to pay a visit to a public toilet
  • A man doesn’t come home from work Friday, instead he spends the whole weekend out fishing with his buddies.
  • A hunter walks into a pub and says that he is the greatest hunter, he can recognize any game animal by its fur, and if they show him the wound, he can even tell which weapon killed it in exchange for a drink.
  • Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
  • (An original joke best read aloud) My friend got a job as one of those sushi girls. Y’know, where guys eat sushi off her naked.
  • What did the ghost of the Redditor say when looking at it’s own corpse?
  • What’s yellow and really hurts if it gets in your eye?
  • What a nice couple, how long have you been married?
  • Three cougars
  • Why did the BYU student come inside?
  • Reminder: terrorist jokes are tasteless and unfunny
  • Would make a joke about fencing
  • Possums are from the south
  • Did you know they just ruled dad jokes to be unconstitutional?
  • Boudreaux goes to the doctor
  • I called off work today when I saw the date
  • I hate people who take drugs
  • A very pregnant lady boarded a bus and noticed a young man smiling at her.
  • A gynecologist noticed his new patient was a little nervous.
  • The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.
  • San Francisco, 1895. A man on the outskirts of town hires a cab driver to ride to the train station. No one wants to go that far, but one driver agrees.
  • A wife leaned into her husband and purred, “Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?”
  • I promised my son…
  • Jogger sees fire
  • A salesman, Computer engineer and a system programmer
  • General Secretary Khrushchev and President Nixon met and started boasting about the greatness of their countries.

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