A teacher asked her class to tell a story with a moral. One of the kids explained how her parents asked her to help in the kitchen, resulting in the food being ready much quicker- the moral being “many hands make light work”. Little Johnny piped up and told a story about his grandad when he saw active service in the military:
“He was in a trench, all his comrades were dead and he was surrounded by the enemy. He decided that the end was coming, so opened his flask of whiskey and downed it in one. After half an hour, nothing had happened, so grandad cocked his rifle, took the grenades from his dead friends and ran over the top, throwing grenades and shooting. When his bullets were all gone, he took the bayonet off and killed every remaining soldier.”
“Well Johnny, that’s some story, but I’m struggling to understand the moral”.
“It’s pretty simple. You don’t fuck with my grandad if he’s had a drink”.
Joke Poo: The Intern’s Presentation
A demanding CEO asked his team to present innovative solutions to boost company morale. Sarah explained how flexible work hours and team-building exercises increased productivity and employee satisfaction – the underlying message being “happy employees, happy company.” Little Timmy, the intern, nervously volunteered a story about a recent company retreat:
“We were doing trust falls, and everyone was hesitant. The VP of Marketing was particularly scared. He kept saying he couldn’t do it. Eventually, the CEO sighed, told everyone to clear the area, and said, ‘Fine, I’ll do it with you.’ They climbed to the top of the platform, the CEO closed his eyes, and pushed the VP off. He landed flat on the ground. The CEO just looked down and said, ‘Next!'”
“Well, Timmy,” the CEO said, his face slowly turning red, “That’s…certainly a memorable anecdote. But I’m struggling to grasp the moral.”
“It’s obvious, sir. You don’t need trust exercises if you’re scared enough.”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke.
Key Elements:
- Setup: A seemingly innocent classroom setting, a teacher’s request for stories with morals, and a contrasting, escalating build-up.
- Contrast: The gentle “many hands make light work” vs. the intensely violent story of the grandad.
- Character: Little Johnny (the seemingly naive, but actually deadpan, deliverer of dark humor) and the mythical Grandad (an unstoppable force fueled by whiskey).
- Misdirection: The audience is led to expect a typical, wholesome moral, but gets a darkly humorous, unexpected one.
- Punchline: The blunt, anti-moral: “You don’t f**k with my grandad if he’s had a drink.” The shock value and unexpectedness are key.
- Theme: Drinking + Old Man = Trouble
Analysis: The joke works because of the subversion of expectations. We expect a sweet story, but get a war story. We expect a profound moral, we get a profane warning. The juxtaposition of the innocent setting with the violent content is where the humor lies.
Now, let’s create some new humor based on these elements, enriched with related facts:
Option 1: A “Did You Know?” Witty Observation:
Did you know that many military rations during World War I and II included small amounts of alcohol, often rum or brandy? It wasn’t necessarily to turn soldiers into unstoppable killing machines like Little Johnny’s grandad (though some commanders might have secretly hoped), but more to boost morale and provide a (very temporary) escape from the horrors of trench warfare. Turns out, the real moral of most war stories is: “Don’t invade if the enemy’s quartermaster is overstocked with booze.”
Reasoning: This “Did You Know” ties the fictional whiskey-fueled rage to a real historical practice. The humor comes from the contrast between the mundane ration alcohol and the grandad’s epic feat, and the sarcastic observation at the end.
Option 2: A Revised Joke:
A history professor asked his class to analyze historical figures who made significant impacts. Little Susie raised her hand. “My great-great-grandpappy was a prospector during the California Gold Rush. He struck a claim, built a saloon, and became the richest man in the county.”
“Fascinating!” exclaimed the professor. “What historical impact did he have?”
“Well,” said Susie, “He taught everyone that if you let him get too drunk on his own whiskey, he’d challenge anyone to a duel, and he never missed. So, the moral is: Don’t open a bar in the Wild West if you can’t hold your liquor… or great-great-grandpappy’s a grumpy drunk.”
Reasoning: This joke retains the core structure: Innocent setting, unexpected violent story, and a blunt, anti-moral punchline. However, it shifts the context to the California Gold Rush, where duels and alcohol-fueled conflicts were more common (though still generally exaggerated in popular culture).
Option 3: Another Take on Johnny:
Teacher: “Johnny, can you give me an example of irony?”
Johnny: “Sure. My grandad always told me, ‘Son, never drink and drive.’ But then he’d tell me the story about how he single-handedly won a battle after downing a bottle of whiskey.”
Teacher: “So the irony is he advises against something he himself did?”
Johnny: “No, the irony is he got a medal and free refills for life.”
Reasoning: Uses the same character (Johnny) and hints at the same absurd violent story, but focuses on irony. It plays with the common “don’t drink and drive” PSA, contrasting it with the grandad’s reward for drinking and fighting.