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Why don’t vegans like to talk about sex?

Posted on June 27, 2025 by Joke Poo

They don't want to admit that a piece of meat can make them happy

Okay, here’s my attempt at a "Joke Poo" inspired by the vegan sex joke, titled "Joke Poo":

Title: Why Don’t Programmers Like Writing Love Songs?

They don’t want to admit a simple bug can bring them to their knees and make them weep.

Alright, let’s dissect this vegan joke and see what kind of comedic fertilizer we can spread around.

Analysis:

  • Core Concept: The joke hinges on the contrast between veganism (abstinence from animal products, often for ethical or health reasons) and the act of sex (typically associated with physical pleasure and, in this case, implied desire for meat).
  • Humor Source: The humor comes from the hypocrisy (or perceived hypocrisy) of vegans potentially desiring meat for sexual gratification, thereby undermining their commitment to avoiding animal products. It also plays on the double entendre of "meat" referring to both food and… well, you know.
  • Key Elements:
    • Veganism: Dietary choice, ethical implications.
    • Sex/Pleasure: Instinctual desire, taboo topics.
    • Meat: Food item, euphemism for a certain body part.
    • Hypocrisy (implied): Contradiction between stated beliefs and actions.

Now, let’s get creative! Here are a few comedic enrichments:

1. Witty Observation (playing on the "meat" euphemism):

You know, it’s ironic. Vegans are trying to save animals, but they’re the ones responsible for the meat industry taking all the credit in the bedroom.

2. "Did You Know?" (factual/interesting tidbit + joke):

Did you know that the world’s oldest vegetarian society was founded in England in 1847? I guess they were tired of the only relationship advice available being "Eat more sausage. You’ll feel better."

3. A New Joke (building on the original concept):

Why did the vegan cross the road… to avoid the butcher shop? He heard they were having a "sausage party" and wasn’t sure if it was a sale or a support group.

4. Meta-Commentary (joke about the joke):

That vegan sex joke? A bit on the nose, isn’t it? It’s like saying a comedian avoiding vegetables – completely unrealistic. They both live off cheap, processed carbs and a desperate need for external validation.

5. Vegan Advocacy with a Twist:

Look, I get it. Vegans get a bad rap for being preachy about not eating meat. But honestly, if your idea of foreplay is just slapping a raw steak on the table, maybe you should consider taking some advice. Think of it as reducing your carbon footprint. I’m sure the planet is having a little trouble climaxing as it is.

The humor in each of these stems from the absurdity of applying the principles of veganism to the realm of sexuality and desire. Hopefully, at least one of these expansions lands with a comedic thump!

Todays SH1T Jokes

  • An old lady goes to the doctor and says ‘doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past 5 minutes sitting here’
  • Girlfriend asked if she was fat so I proved my love in the most literal way
  • A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet
  • What’s the scariest thing a gun toting, pegging enthusiast, broke ass girlfriend can say to you?
  • Yo mama’s so fat… whenever she went to the circus…
  • What’s the difference between a guy at a gay bar, a Type 2 diabetic, and a job applicant at a construction site?
  • Patient goes to doctor for test results.
  • A farmer was selling apple seeds that were supposed to make you smarter.
  • A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. He takes it outside to enjoy on the bench.
  • Two old friends run into each other on the street.
  • The burley gates of heaven
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  • Little Johnny’s neighbor
  • Horse
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  • I saw a dwarf climbing down a rope from a prison rooftop.
  • A Jewish woman came to her rabi, visibly upset.
  • Teacher asks Billy a math question
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  • The butcher shop
  • September is Alzheimer’s awareness month
  • I saw a bison in the gym doing a workout the other day….
  • A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
  • Mexican Mayonnaise
  • I hate charging my electric car.
  • One day I called home and my kid answered. I asked where’s mom?
  • An old man comes to confession and says to the priest:
  • A Knock Knock Joke
  • What’s common between a testicular joke and testicular cancer?
  • A guy walks in a store looking to buy some beer
  • One afternoon, a teenage couple was on a hike in the woods.
  • Wish me luck, everyone! I have to meet with some people working at my bank in a few minutes. If all goes well I’ll pay off every debt I have, and still have enough to retire early.
  • A penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down…
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  • In a carpenter’s workshop, one apprentice makes a bet that he can recognize any type of wood just by its smell. They blindfold him and hand him the first board… the apprentice smells it confidently and says: “Oak!”
  • I was admitted into the hospital and as I settled into my bed, I overheard my “roommate” using the speakerphone to order breakfast from the cafeteria
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  • A man visits his lawyer
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  • Job interview question: Why ask for a high salary with no experience?
  • The other day I needed to pay a visit to a public toilet
  • A man doesn’t come home from work Friday, instead he spends the whole weekend out fishing with his buddies.
  • A hunter walks into a pub and says that he is the greatest hunter, he can recognize any game animal by its fur, and if they show him the wound, he can even tell which weapon killed it in exchange for a drink.
  • Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
  • (An original joke best read aloud) My friend got a job as one of those sushi girls. Y’know, where guys eat sushi off her naked.
  • What did the ghost of the Redditor say when looking at it’s own corpse?

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