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Category: Wife

Hammerless Homocides

Posted on September 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard." The judge…

My pregnant wife just had another ultrasound.

Posted on September 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Or, as she calls it: "Connecting with her inner child". Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” based on your joke: Title: Data Dump My programmer boyfriend just finished debugging our…

My wife gave me an envelope with, “Not to be opened until 2027” on it.

Posted on September 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Inside was list of reasons why I cannot be trusted to follow simple instructions. Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo,” riffing on your original: Joke Poo: The Algorithm My AI…

I told my wife I have “windchill dick”

Posted on September 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

It’s 4 inches but it feels like 9! Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” of your joke, titled appropriately: Joke Poo: Digital Footprint I told my boss I’m experiencing “digital…

One spelling mistake can ruin your marriage.

Posted on September 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

I accidentally texted my wife "I'm having a great time. I wish you were her." Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” based on the original, titled “Accidental Autocorrect”: Joke Poo: Accidental Autocorrect One…

Two guys are playing a round of golf behind two women,

Posted on September 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

the women are playing really slow, so they decided to ask if they can play through. The first guy approaches the women, gets halfway then turns around and hurries back to his…

Man on his deathbed

Posted on September 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

Motions his wife closer and whispers, “I want you to wait 6 months after I’m gone and then marry George”. Wife responds, “Marry George? I thought you hated George”! And, with his…

A doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a round of golf behind a group that’s playing incredibly slow.

Posted on September 2, 2025 by Joke Poo

They're waiting on every shot, and getting more and more angry as the group in front of them is playing all over the course. When the marshal finally drives by they unload…

No divorce is ever really just one person’s fault. Usually the blame is a straight 50:50

Posted on September 2, 2025 by Joke Poo

between the ex-wife and the ex-mother-in-law. Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” version: Joke Poo: Potty Parity No clogged toilet is ever really just one person’s fault. Usually the blame is a straight…

Years ago, my wife would get all hot and bothered at the sight of me.

Posted on September 2, 2025 by Joke Poo

Now she's just bothered (I just made this up. Let me know if someone beat me to it) Okay, here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” based on the original, titled “Board…

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • School year is like pregnancy.
  • A man visits his lawyer
  • A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
  • Election results are like group project grades
  • A librarian is having a discussion with a cobra…
  • Job interview question: Why ask for a high salary with no experience?
  • The other day I needed to pay a visit to a public toilet
  • A man doesn’t come home from work Friday, instead he spends the whole weekend out fishing with his buddies.
  • A hunter walks into a pub and says that he is the greatest hunter, he can recognize any game animal by its fur, and if they show him the wound, he can even tell which weapon killed it in exchange for a drink.
  • Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
  • (An original joke best read aloud) My friend got a job as one of those sushi girls. Y’know, where guys eat sushi off her naked.
  • What did the ghost of the Redditor say when looking at it’s own corpse?
  • What’s yellow and really hurts if it gets in your eye?
  • What a nice couple, how long have you been married?
  • Three cougars
  • Why did the BYU student come inside?
  • Reminder: terrorist jokes are tasteless and unfunny
  • Would make a joke about fencing
  • Possums are from the south
  • Did you know they just ruled dad jokes to be unconstitutional?
  • Boudreaux goes to the doctor
  • I called off work today when I saw the date
  • I hate people who take drugs
  • A very pregnant lady boarded a bus and noticed a young man smiling at her.
  • A gynecologist noticed his new patient was a little nervous.
  • The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.
  • San Francisco, 1895. A man on the outskirts of town hires a cab driver to ride to the train station. No one wants to go that far, but one driver agrees.
  • A wife leaned into her husband and purred, “Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?”
  • I promised my son…
  • Jogger sees fire
  • A salesman, Computer engineer and a system programmer
  • General Secretary Khrushchev and President Nixon met and started boasting about the greatness of their countries.
  • An American walks into a bar & orders a beer
  • A farmer’s son joins reddit and finds the r/Jokes subreddit
  • My Wife Always Gives 100% Sound Advice
  • A Caveman and a bear walk into a bar
  • I wrote a song about being naked.
  • Girlfriend needs a seat!
  • I’m So Old…
  • I’m surprised there’s not a lawn company called Paradise City…
  • A careless captain let his ship go adrift, and it crashed into the harbor.
  • I’m not saying that modern life has ruined our kids……
  • A plane is flying to Toronto when a blonde in economy moves up and sits in first class.
  • A high-powered attorney ended up in the hospital for a few days – and let’s just say, he was not the ideal patient.
  • The Cowboy and the Horse Thieves
  • What is a mob boss’ favorite element from the periodic table?
  • Three men are stranded on a desert island
  • My friend wrote a murder mystery set in the TARDIS…
  • U.S. Open
  • Breaking News: The founder of /r/jokes is pregnant

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